I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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