A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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