booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
