You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i now understand why vodka
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
