One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
