Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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