I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
