Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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