i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
