this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
