You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
