trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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