Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
