It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
