you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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