Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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