Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
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After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
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i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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