Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
