My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
