I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
