you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
