i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
