I think I am morally bankrupt
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
