I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
