I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
