Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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