Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So many bounce houses so little time
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Randomize
