he thought i was a dude.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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