I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
