Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
