Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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