he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dignity is for republicans.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
