So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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