im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
