If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
