and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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