maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
