thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
