Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
