a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
