So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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