Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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