the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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