I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
