Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
