perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
