Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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