i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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