One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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