Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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