im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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