he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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