It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Randomize
