I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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