I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
