At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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