also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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