PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
