if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
