I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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