I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
