If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
