I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
