Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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