If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
