Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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