There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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