Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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