marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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