I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
