last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
