please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
