I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize